I was hanging with a friend last week. I love her. She knows who she is, and so does her boyfriend, but I’m not going to tell you who they are, and you shouldn’t try and figure it out. That’s not the point. The point is; I was telling my friend that I was thinking of shaving my face clean at the solstice. She got a mischievous glint in her eye and suggested I try and get more guys, including her boyfriend, to do likewise. In her words, “You could make it a men’s solidarity thing.”
I told her I would do no such thing. When we met up with her man later I told him what she’d tried to get me to do, and he and I had a good laugh of mustache solidarity. My friend was faux-palled, and took me to task for “selling her out” to him.
She isn’t used to men having honor with each other so let me make it clear to her, and to the rest of my female friends, sisters and potential lovers: When a woman is trying to conspire with me to manipulate a fellow man into betraying himself to suit her convenient aesthetic projections, so long as he isn’t hurting anyone, I am definitely going to “sell her out.” Just as I imagine she would if I were trying to get her to convince some woman under my spell to lose weight or start giving sloppier blowjobs, “as a women’s empowerment thing.”
One exception to this rule: If I agree with the woman’s point, in which case, I’ll just tell the man to his face, or withdraw with as much honor as possible. But when it comes to mustaches, as far as I’m concerned, the man is always right. In this, the mustache is kind of like a woman’s uterus.